It is hard to gather all your senses and organize your thoughts when you are troubled. As for me, this could be another mind game that I have to face all alone. Though there is a special person involve, I cannot blame her about the troubles I am entertaining right now.
I know I have faults and deficiencies. I know I cannot be someone she could think of. I know with my own limitations, I am trying my best to be somebody hoping that I'll be appreciated. But it seems situations are working against me. And I am deeply troubled.
I really cannot comprehend the situation where you are trying to reach out and yet you are completely ignored. And when you are not reciprocating, you will be cursed for not giving something in return.
Why life that could be so simple, we can completely make it chaotic. And when things will not favor us, that's the time when blame game comes into the picture.
At times, I am trying to hold on because I thought matured people can deal with their immaturities in a lighter perspective where tantrums and petty indifferences could be settled amicably. But when someone is trying to hold her ground, remains passive about the situation, and accessing the extent of patience the other could possible have, I guess it is already too much too ask.
And it is during these times that I have to pause and look at another direction. I cannot have a daily life like this one that is constantly troubling. I cannot live a life that is burdensome. Yes, troubles and burdens may come along our way but at a particular point in our life, we should probably know how to set them aside even if it could be the very reason in facing life all alone.
I am already in the halfway of my life and I don't want to spend the rest of my days engaging into some mind games and blame games. I wanted a life that builds wonderful memories and that even in death, I can smile peacefully knowing that I have live a meaningful one. And for some unfortunate reasons that I'll be facing life all alone, I guess I have learned to accept this reality already.
I know I have faults and deficiencies. I know I cannot be someone she could think of. I know with my own limitations, I am trying my best to be somebody hoping that I'll be appreciated. But it seems situations are working against me. And I am deeply troubled.
I really cannot comprehend the situation where you are trying to reach out and yet you are completely ignored. And when you are not reciprocating, you will be cursed for not giving something in return.
Why life that could be so simple, we can completely make it chaotic. And when things will not favor us, that's the time when blame game comes into the picture.
At times, I am trying to hold on because I thought matured people can deal with their immaturities in a lighter perspective where tantrums and petty indifferences could be settled amicably. But when someone is trying to hold her ground, remains passive about the situation, and accessing the extent of patience the other could possible have, I guess it is already too much too ask.
And it is during these times that I have to pause and look at another direction. I cannot have a daily life like this one that is constantly troubling. I cannot live a life that is burdensome. Yes, troubles and burdens may come along our way but at a particular point in our life, we should probably know how to set them aside even if it could be the very reason in facing life all alone.
I am already in the halfway of my life and I don't want to spend the rest of my days engaging into some mind games and blame games. I wanted a life that builds wonderful memories and that even in death, I can smile peacefully knowing that I have live a meaningful one. And for some unfortunate reasons that I'll be facing life all alone, I guess I have learned to accept this reality already.
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