Though living, an every day struggle with the monster that lurks just behind my back is indeed a life that nobody wants to have. I don't know how much time I've left to hold unto my dear sanity before my world explodes.
And when hope is near to impossible and out of reach, when everything seems falling apart, when frustrations and hopelessness embraces my heart, there is only one thing that I should not let go - the very reason why I am still alive.
For several months now, I am trying to survive one day at a time. With the help of family and friends, I happened to hurdle all those nightmares and fears. But in moments when I am all alone, that's the time when I am at my lowest moment and the monster behind me tries to swallow me alive. There is no escaping this monster. I can't run away from it. I can scream all I want but it will be of no help.
And here I am, surrendering myself. I submit myself to the Lord. I know that my earthly existence is troublesome and most of the challenges, I can't hurdle by myself. At times, everyday battles are tortures and time comes when I get too weary to hold on and fight back. But I know, all throughout my battles, the good Lord never leaves my side. And in moments when I find it impossible to exist and live, He alone sustains my existence.
And as I close my eyes tonight, I am surrendering myself again to Him. If ever I will wake up tomorrow, He still wants me to live and in His hands I lay every second of my existence. So be it.
Amen... :D
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