Random Thought 7 - Letting Go

Struggles are ever part of our human existence. Each one of us has his own share of life's intricacies. The way we face life and the way we struggle defines our character as a person.

I am sure that at a certain period of time, we will face a life changing experience. Well and good if it is a good opportunity but what if it is a means to surrender all you've got?

Letting go of all those things you've learned to value, treasure, and love would mean letting go of your very own self. Usually when we are challenged for this occasion, the timing is so perfect for the pain and agony to engulf our whole being and the suffering could be eternal. Friends and loved ones may show their empathy. To be consoled and knowing that you are not alone is indeed a great consolation. But the struggles deep within ourselves could be the very driving monster to make us plunge into the depth of nothingness.

Maybe it is just a matter of time, a matter of buying some time before gaining our senses back. That, in this borrowed existence, we can't gain control of everything. Our plans could be perfect. Our directions could be carefully laid down. But struggles and trials are ever present just like the earth and the wind. No amount of planning and control could ever prevent them from happening. And when they happen, it could be a make or break situation.

When we learn to let go, we will eventually come to a realization that some things are not meant to be. When we learn to let go, we can learn to appreciate and be thankful about that particular experience, the best part of it. When we learn to let go, it is not an acceptance of a defeat but rather a means for a brand new start. When we learn to let go, things could never be the same again but it will definitely bring out the best in us. That is, if we are brave enough to accept the realities of life and face a new day with a positive disposition.

If there is that one thing that would be synonymous to our existence and we've been asked to let it go, it could mean letting go of our own life too. But if we will be able to endure the torment of its aftermath, for sure, we will have a new perspective in life.

And if we will be facing again an identical struggle, the pain and suffering could be just as painful as the bite of an ant. And maybe we can say something like, "next one, please."

Food Trip 6 - Max's Chicken

There comes a time when we crave for something to eat. It would be a blissful experience if we can indulge ourselves into a good food and a mouth watering stuff. And it would not be too much to ask if we can pamper ourselves and give in to our desire from time to time.

I don't need a second motion if I'll be prompted for a chicken meal. I will definitely run into a nearest Max's restaurant and order a chicken barbecue.

 Though  many of us prefer a fried chicken and enjoy those crispy chicken skin, a chicken barbecue is still my first choice.  Of all those chicken  barbecues I had tasted, my discriminating taste always look forward for one from Max's. It's soft meat and sweet tasting sauce is a sure delight. And I best enjoyed this treat together with java rice and iced tea.

Let's eat and enjoy this good food.

Exploring Philippines 6 - Guimaras Province (Post 6 - SEAFDEC)

I really had a good and sound sleep last night. Though I promised myself to be awake before the sun shines, my body simply gave in to its much needed rest. The alarm of my cell phone was no good and I only woke up to the voices of workers who report to work early that morning. Without them, most probably I would be still enjoying my solo romance in the bed.

Whenever I am out, I usually had this shallow sleep. But last night was an exception. I was totally tired because of yesterday's activities and my plan in getting up early and to start exploring the place early was not followed. I hurriedly perform my morning rituals and I did not bother to take a bath because I knew I would get wet during the course of the trip.

The sun was already up when I stepped out of my cottage but the morning breeze was somewhat cold. When I went to the shore to look for my ride, the heat of the sun slowly embraced me. And after a few chit chat with the boat operator, he took me to SEAFDEC (South East Asian Fisheries Development Center). The fare for the first 3 hours is 450 pesos and an additional of 150 pesos for every hour thereafter.

I knew for the fact that traveling by sea in the morning would mean a safer ride because the water is calm. Usually, it would be during the afternoon when the wind slowly builds up which causes waves on the water. Well, I was a bit wrong. After some few minutes and upon approaching the open waters, the current gave us a bumpy ride. After the tide tossed the front of the boat up, it went down with a thud and I was anxious about the situation. Aside from trying to protect my camera against the sea water, I must admit that I got nervous because I was expecting a smooth ride that morning and I don't know how to swim. Hehe. There were only two of us on board with plenty of life jackets around. The idea that my boat man is an experienced fisherman and that he would not allow me to get drown, still, I was on guard  all the time. No matter what I do, the rough seas always give some discomforts.

I asked my guide if the sea always behave this way and he said yes. He would simply wait a signal from the tourists if ever they wanted to cancel the trip and go somewhere else safe. Wow! What an adventure?! But since I already made up my mind for this trip, I silently prayed and hold dearly to the side of the boat as we progress towards our destination. Along the way, I saw little boats occupied by three fishermen each and they cared less about the waves. Well, I guess it was just normal for them for they are on the waters almost every day. And no amount of turbulent waters can ever keep them away over empty stomachs and hungry mouths.

A little over ten minutes, the waves became gentle until the sea became totally still. It was a signal that we had reached SEAFDEC. If you will be going here, the moment you'll see erected bamboo structures in the middle of the sea, SEAFDEC is just a couple of minutes away. And I was glad that my ordeal that morning was over, at least, for the time being. In less than 30 minutes from our origin, we arrived safely at SEAFDEC.

SEAFDEC is a marine research facility located at Igang, Nueva Valencia. It's main office is located at Tigbauan, Iloilo. They have good rooms here that can be rented for 250 pesos a day, which is far cheaper than those of the resorts, but you have to call their main office and book in advance because researchers are their main priorities. They are selling also fresh fishes at a fair price and they can lend their kitchen to their visitors. But one situation I saw that will not be favorable to those who are looking for a good beach would be the absence of a shore line here. Come low tide, the water is knee deep and sands are not available within the area. And before I forget, an entrance fee of 25 pesos is being charged per head.

Anyway, we were greeted by the guard on duty that early morning. There were only the three of us at the facility and the guard gave me a tour of the area. He showed me those huge fish cages that houses bangus, pompano, giant groper, and lapu lapu fishes. Some of these fishes are used for their breeding program while others are being sold commercially.

There are also smaller plastic cages where they grow and breed abalone, a kind of sea snail. Honestly, I don't have any idea what an abalone is until the guard showed it to me. It was my first time to see and hold an abalone and it was fun. Unlike the other snails that we are familiar with, this one has a tiny shell at the top portion of its body and the rest are flesh. They are being grown here and commands a high price when sold commercially.

This was my third time to see a live starfish. My first encounter with a starfish was summer of 2008 at Zambales but unluckily I was not able to hold it. My second encounter was summer of 2010 when I went to Palawan and it was my very first to hold and examine it closely. This time around, though there were plenty of them hanging around the area, I was not able to touch one because there was no way for me to get down to the water from the top of the bridge.

And another first hand experience that I will definitely not forget was holding a live sea horse. It was my first seeing and actually holding a live sea horse. I was glad that when I hold it in my palm, it did not kicked me. Hehe. The guard was so kind to allow me to hold one and the sea horse that I was holding was a pregnant male. Wow! It was so tiny and so fragile. Along with its buddies, they are being placed in cages for breeding and research purposes. Hmmm. I was thinking if I can afford to change my work. A marine researcher would be a good job but the problem is, I am not a swimmer and I am not comfortable under water. 

After nearly an hour of stay, I must admit that I learned some new things here and I had a couple of first time experiences. And I'll definitely not forget my encounters here at SEAFDEC. Hmmm. How about visiting their main office at Iloilo?

more pics at SEAFDEC

Poem 6 - Broken Soul

I tried to convince myself
That things will turn out right
That misunderstandings and petty stuffs
Can be settled without a fight.

I tried to understand things
Even if they are out of my reach
Hoping all along they will turn okay
And not to fall straight to the ditch.

I tried to hold on to the promise
That my heart and soul used to embrace
Praying for the sun to shine again
And keeping me in the track with this race.

But it is no use after all
When you are the only one holding on
For every second of a reality check
The spirit waits for that big explosion.

And when the bomb suddenly explodes
Broken and shattered pieces of you scatter
When your worst enemy becomes yourself
Everything else fails to matter.

Here I am, a broken soul
Lost and trying to breath again
Though naked and desperate
I pray that my faith will remain.

Quote 12 - Smile

Moment 6 - Perspective

We were actually doing a shoot for a photo contest and this one was just for fun.

This was not an original concept and we tried, especially Bernie, to have a decent and believable perspective. Since Bernie is fond of doing some acrobatic stunts, he was in a better position to bring this concept to life. And honestly, it was not easy.

Well, after some good balancing and repetition, we succeeded. Kudos to Bernie for a job well done.

Quote 11 - Life

Random Thought 6 - Alone

It is hard to gather all your senses and organize your thoughts when you are troubled. As for me, this could be another mind game that I have to face all alone. Though there is a special person involve, I cannot blame her about the troubles I am entertaining right now.

I know I have faults and deficiencies. I know I cannot be someone she could think of. I know with my own limitations, I am trying my best to be somebody hoping that I'll be appreciated. But it seems situations are working against me. And I am deeply troubled.

I really cannot comprehend the situation where you are trying to reach out and yet you are completely ignored. And when you are not reciprocating, you will be cursed for not giving something in return.

Why life that could be so simple, we can completely make it chaotic. And when things will not favor us, that's the time when blame game comes into the picture.

At times, I am trying to hold on because I thought matured people can deal with their immaturities in a lighter perspective where tantrums and petty indifferences could be settled amicably. But when someone is trying to hold her ground, remains passive about the situation, and accessing the extent of patience the other could possible have, I guess it is already too much too ask.

And it is during these times that I have to pause and look at another direction. I cannot have a daily life like this one that is constantly troubling. I cannot live a life that is burdensome. Yes, troubles and burdens may come along our way but at a particular point in our life, we should probably know how to set them aside even if it could be the very reason in facing life all alone.

I am already in the halfway of my life and I don't want to spend the rest of my days engaging into some mind games and blame games. I wanted a life that builds wonderful memories and that even in death, I can smile peacefully knowing that I have live a meaningful one. And for some unfortunate reasons that I'll be facing life all alone, I guess I have learned to accept this reality already. 

Food Trip 5 - Chao Fan ala DoTa

One time, I had this chao fan craving. I dropped by at a food chain and ordered one. My craving was satisfied but my yearn for a better tasting chao fan continues. The reason, the ingredients of that chao fan can easily be counted except for the rice. Hehe

The best tasting food, according to a famous chef, should have the abundance of everything. You don't have to cut corners, no compromises, and you can deliver something better even with some constraints.

When I had this opportunity to prepare one, I knew I had to prepare several ingredients to make it extra special. Well, I mean, whatever ingredients I can pull out of the ref and out of the food cabinet.

Diced carrots looked yummy, thinly diced string beans and green bell pepper added colors, a shreded left over cooked chicken meat, and some spices. Though I considered some other ingredients to make it exciting, lively, and mouth watering - again, they are simply part of my wish list. Yes, definitely, I'll have the other ingredients next time around.

So what are we waiting for. It's chao time.

Exploring Philippines 5- Guimaras Province (Post 5 - Macopo Falls)

If I only had a luxury of time, I would like to spend more time within the compound of the monastery. Actually, I was planning to scan the whole place but it will be dark soon and so we had to leave.  I only had this brief moment inside the chapel where I recite my prayer. I wanted to have some pictures of the chapel in different perspective but the priests were meditating and it would not be good to move around taking pictures for I might disturb them.

I asked my guide if we can visit Sadsad falls. I was able to read good reviews of Sadsad falls and I wanted to experience it myself. My guide discouraged me because we will be running out of time because Sadsad falls will cover an hour of trekking in going there alone. And since it was already past 5 in the afternoon, we cannot afford to be caught by darkness along the way. Instead, he brought me to the nearby Macopo falls.

Macopo falls is located at Sta Teresa, Jordan, adjacent to the town's municipal office and public market.  From the Trappist monastery to Macopo falls, it took us less than 10 minutes. And most probably from Sta Teresa market, Macopo falls would be a two to three minutes ride away.

The road to Macopo falls is a typical countryside setting. It is a dirt road, actually. You'll pass some rice fields and some kids grazing their cows and goats. And you don't have to be impatient because after the rice fields, you'll be welcomed by tall trees which is already the end of the road. From here, you'll be hearing the sound of water pouring unceasingly and abundantly. And yes, you're just minutes away from Macopo falls.

The call of the falls gave my spirit and my heart some kind of excitement. After all these years, this would be my very first time to see a live waterfall. And my excitement grew as we progress towards the falls.

The steps going down to the falls are concrete at some point and according to my guide, the area used to have cottages for picnics. But after some time, it seems that nobody cares to rehabilitate the place anymore. Although from what I had seen, the trees are well taken cared of and the wild plants grow into a moderate rate. The whole place is not dense and you'll have a clear view of the environment.

The downhill steps gave me some momentum though I had to be careful because I will be tumbling down if ever I'll lost my footing.  And in the midst of our trek, Macopo falls unraveled its beauty.

I was awed by its beauty right away. I remembered pausing for a while and simply looked at it liked I'd been enchanted. And moments later, I had all this liberty capturing it. It was such a wonderful feeling when you are out and you are being surrounded by nature's beauty. And nothing can really compare the kind of excitement I felt that very moment.

I thought when we reached that part of the slope, we'd simply sat there and feast our eyes on the sight. But I was wrong. My guide coaxed me to go down further until we reach the waterfall. Upon hearing that we can really go to the foot of the falls, my excitement doubled. I knew it would be a total experience when I will be there up close and mesmerized.

The downward slopes were a bit slippery even though it was not wet. There were no concrete steps anymore. Just the trail made by people who found their way down and up the falls. Small rocks can make you slide all the way down to the water if you'll not watch your steps. I had to take my sweet time because I was holding my camera and I had to hold to the very ground that I stepped in, an inched at a time. And when the path looked easy, I merrily run towards the falls.

The water from the falls were flowing abundantly because it was still a wet season. Come summer, the flow of the water decreased dramatically. I was glad that I came here this time of year because it would look different come summer time.

We had the place by ourselves. If I could had brought some extra clothes, I might go for a quick dip because the pool looked enticing. My guide told me that people who visit here usually reward themselves by enjoying the water and he couldn't remember his last time on this pool.  He too wanted to cool down but like me, he was not prepared for this trip.

We lingered for some time until darkness slowly crept in. As we traced our way back, I could not take my eyes off the falls. Though it was not that magnificent and gigantic like the others, still, the experience was for the books. And I was simply thankful about that privilege.

On the way up, I was extremely challenged. I thought it was an easy climb but I was running out of oxygen. Haha. That's what you get if you lack this thing called exercise and when you are getting old. Eventually, at a turtle's pace I reached the top of the steps and I was not feeling well. Cold sweats were rushing down my face and I felt dizzy. I asked my guide to rush to the nearest restaurant and I knew that a warm soup could renew my state. And thank God I was okay.

more pics of the falls

Poem 5 - Final Act

And when the curtain drops down
You know it is the end of the show
When the lights are all out
Then, it is about time to go.

And when you step down from the stage
After you perform your final act
If you'll be told it's your last
Will it ever come as a shock?

You might ask what went wrong
Or maybe you've not given your all
That despite all your shouts and screams
You've just experienced your biggest fall.

It could be a harsh reality
And it could be a raging devastation
When your dreams have just ended
Leading to an awful frustration.

Though you can look for another stage
And perform with all your might
Just to prove them wrong
And allow others exclaim with delight.

But the pains and the sufferings
Could torment your very soul
That despite consoling yourself
You will still remain a hopeless fool.

Maybe the next stage will be set
Not today but in the near future
That you may learn to rise again
Despite of that devastating failure.

But for now, if you're a good actor
A brave face can't put up a good show
Take time to heal and continue on living
And learn the art of letting go.

Quote 10 - Believe

Moment 5 - Bingo

 Part of the engineering week celebration this year is the fund raising activity of the engineering student council.  A bingo social is a common means of raising funds and almost every one knows how to play it. So, it is really not that difficult to invite players especially with hefty prizes. Aside from shirts and boxes of donuts, 500 to 1000 pesos are at stake likewise as consolation prizes. And the good news is, four 5000 pesos for the first 4 games and for black out, they are giving away 10000 pesos. 

I like how the ESC prepared for this game. They make use of large boxes to display the letters and numbers that will be drawn. Since we have a limited space in the building's quadrangle and with almost 3000 bingo cards sold, more spaces will be needed to accommodate all players. The second and third levels of the building give an extra space for the rest of the excited players including me. And from our vantage point on the third level, we can directly see with no amount of difficulty all those drawn numbers.

Honestly, I almost failed to join the game. I did not buy my bingo cards earlier. I happened to know some students who are selling bingo cards but I choose to wait for that one particular student to deliver the bingo cards to our room. And when she arrived, I choose four cards hoping that they will be my lucky cards.

Frankly speaking, we join a game because of the prizes especially if the prizes are impressive. And the other thing would be to experience the joy of it. At times, it is the suspense and the drama that makes a good and exciting game. 

Some of my former students discouraged me from playing the game because of the probability of winning. But I usually believe that if it is for you, then it will be yours. And the game started.

The first two games were a bit close but there were destined winners. All I had to do was to wait for the remaining games with the hope that it will be  my turn to win afterwards.

And my prayer had been granted. I won the third round and the last number that had been drawn was 75, forming a pattern R on my bingo card. How my heart beats with excitement that very moment. The joy was simply overwhelming. It was my first taste of winning a game with a huge prize. And I am extra grateful because on my birthday, I will have some spare amount to treat my colleagues. Wow! The moment was simply awesome.

Though I stayed to play for the last two games, as expected, I did not win afterwards. It will be too much of my luck if I could had won twice but then again, some other players had to win. That's the game of chance.

And the news about me winning the game spread like wildfire. Some people I have known even called me asking for a treat. Hehe. Well, they simply showed some fondness on me winning the game and I assured them that I'll have my treat come my birthday. 

Happy birthday to me.

Quote 9 - Blessings

Random Thought 5 - Guessing Game

Some people think that a guessing game is challenging. It is a challenge where your mind and imagination will be tested. Most probably, it could be fun in some ways. But in a relationship, it would be too much for a fun.

Some people would say things but they mean the other way around. At times they would say, “it is up to you” but they mean it as “you should do this.”  Some of them tend to say “I am okay” but actually they are not. And worst of all, they would laugh on the outside but actually they are longing for your embrace and comfort.

What hurts me most are those people who cannot be straightforward about how they feel. They are pretending to be okay but deep inside they are struggling. Wouldn’t it be nice if you are going to talk to someone, you are representing the real you and not the sentiments that cloud your senses. And it would be much appreciated if what you are saying is actually what you mean and not expecting people to think and act just like what you are anticipating them to do.

Life could be complicated, only if we choose to. But we always have other options not to make it miserable especially if it involves people dear to us.

Food Trip 4 - Lobster

I am very thankful about knowing the family of Eric Rivera from Palawan. Last year, I had this chance to visit Puerto Princesa and I stayed at their place for free. 

During my stay here, I was given the opportunity to savor the taste of fresh lobster. It was my very first time to eat a lobster. I know for the fact that it is quite a luxury to enjoy a lobster that weighs a kilo. Here in Manila, the cost of a kilo lobster could be between 800 to 1000 plus pesos.

Anyway, I was surprised because a couple of days ago, Eric's mother send me three big lobsters from Palawan. More or less, they weigh 2 kilos. Wow! This is another rare moment for me to enjoy this food. And what a perfect timing. Two days from now, I'll be celebrating my birthday and I consider this as an advance birthday present though Eric's family has no idea about it.

It is nice to know that some people are really extra wonderful that even for a brief encounter with them, they will not forget you right away. I am quite thankful and grateful that I have known them and who knows, I might be in Palawan for the third time some time soon. And I'll definitely pay them a visit.

Again, to the family of Eric, thank you very much and God bless.

Exploring Philippines 4 - Guimaras Province (Post 4 - Trappist Monastery)

After staying for nearly an hour, we had to leave the place. At this particular time, 15 minutes before five in the afternoon, the sun should still be shinning brightly but it appeared that sunset would not be good because of clouds in the late afternoon. Since it looked like a cloudy late afternoon, in a short while the whole place will be covered by darkness and it would be hard to move around afterwards. 

During the course of our travel, it was really fun and a relaxing one. Fun in the sense that I really had a good time. This was my first time to travel in a motorcycle covering a long distance. It was good likewise that my driver and tour guide was driving smoothly. And it was indeed relaxing. As I felt the cold afternoon breeze in my face, I was transformed into a dreamy state. At that particular moment, no amount of worries entered my mind. I can freely savor the freshness of the air and everything I saw here were all shades of green. Guimaras is famous for its world-class sweet tasting mangoes and I really wanted to experience the taste but unluckily it was not the season that time. Well, maybe I will be back some time soon.

 

Likewise, one remarkable thing I noticed here was the vastness of the road. The two-way road seemed so big and wide for the motorists. Private cars can rarely be seen and jeepneys are available on a particular time of the day only. Motorcycles are a common means as public transports in rural areas especially in parts of the country where they seem impossible to access. And here I was, enjoying my ride in a motorcycle.

It took us almost 40 minutes from the Guisi lighthouse to the Trappist monastery. We could had arrived earlier with a faster speed but I preferred a safe and enjoyable trip. Again, there was no reason to hurry at all.

Taking our sweet time cost us an opportunity to shop at the Trappist shop. The Trappist monks are known to all over the province and the nearby provinces to produce their own food. They are the ones who plow and plant the fields and turn their harvest into a mouth watering delight. Sad to say, I will not be able to take home some goodies directly from their shop.

Upon approaching the shop, I immediately saw a priest taking photographs of the place. I thought all along that he is a resident of the monastery and so I approached him. After a few exchange of words, he said that he was also a visitor and he came from Europe and will be staying for about a week.

Anyway, my guide directed me towards the chapel. Unluckily again, there was no priest available for even a quick spiritual talk. So, I simply slipped inside the chapel and silently uttered some prayer lines I used to deliver all the time. They said that whenever it is your first time in a church, you have to make a wish. But then again, it is not my practice. A few lines of being appreciative of every blessing I received would be more than enough to unload what's in my heart. 

The experience of being in this chapel was such an experience to reckon with. The chilling effect of the place that is so perfectly still and silent makes you reflect on your existence like you've never done before. A peaceful and quiet moment makes you see yourself in front of the mirror. And I guess, if I will be able to find a place like this one and be there in a constant manner, I will be seeing of myself more clearly and I'll be able to enrich my spiritual devotion.